Death and Life

Maybe I'm not meant to see life past 32. I feel her right under the surface and it's scary. The issue I have now is that I can't hear her. I can't hear anyone with these meds, It's just silence. I still black out but I remember nothing. There is no communication so I don't have any idea of what her plan is. Does she have a plan? Are there urges? I'm scared because I no longer can protect me from myself. It's all because of these stupid meds. They are making everything worse.